i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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