worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
