Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
