why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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