i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
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