Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
