just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
