So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
