I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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