I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
