I'm pants shitting drunk right now
dude i'm inner monologue high
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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