I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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