this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
