first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I was not drunk enough for that final.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize