I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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