Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
