It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
