I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
