is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
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