So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
