you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
