he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Someone signed my nipple.
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