I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
