These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
