you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Randomize
