I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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