why do cheetos always look like penises
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
