apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
