I'm so fucking centered right now
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
