Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
