the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
