OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
