i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
