You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
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