I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Blood and glitter go together right?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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