My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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