At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
she was so not down for the gang bang
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
