my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
