A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
