I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
