I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Girls should come with a carfax report
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
