I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
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