Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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