i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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