Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
