My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Randomize
