ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
