Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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