You're my little dorito
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
