i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i think i have herpe
just one?
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
You ruined the universe
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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