I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
