Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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