Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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