Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Randomize
