I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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