Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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