so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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