I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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