then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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