My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
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