Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize
