I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
