i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
