Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
