Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
