God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
How's work?
Spinning.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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